I want to get off one time and not apologize
by darciewritestoo
Summary: David figures out the appeal of masturbation. Jack/David.


**Title:** I want to get off one time and not apologize  
><strong>Summary:<strong> David figures out the appeal of masturbation.  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> Jack/David (side Sarah/Denton)  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 3440  
><strong>Warning:<strong> I'm probably creepy for writing this. Oops. Sorry.  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I don't own Newsies or these characters. Just havin' some fun writing, yo.  
><strong>Author Note:<strong>The title is taken from "Faster" by Third Eye Blind.

It all started off innocently enough. _Really_.

David overheard a conversation between Mush and Blink. Normally he would be involved, but Jack was sick that day. He'd been up all night throwing up and could barely get out of bed. That meant he had to go a day without selling papes, but David had already decided that he would make sure it was okay. Once Jack was better, he would invite Jack over for meals more, for one. Jack had his pride, but there was no way he would turn down a good meal.

So he was stuck selling by himself that day. While they waited for the papes, David heard Mush and Blink whispering. However, they were quite loud and David could hear everything they were saying. And at first he couldn't believe that they were talking about this so openly.

"I'm tellin' ya, Cowboy is probably using the time to his advantage." Blink said suggestively with a wicked grin.

Mush shook his head. "He's too sick, and what's the point anyway? Not like we don't all do it. I've been in the room with everyone when I got off."

"I should know. I heard you." Blink laughed, slapping his friend on the back. Then he made some high pitched squeals that David assumed were supposed to be sexual. Blink then put his hand in front his crotch and pretended to stroke himself. To David's surprise, Mush took it well. He laughed, too, and nudged Blink in the side.

"You ever heard Cowboy doing it?" Mush asked. Blink shook his head. David, who really hoped that Blink and Mush didn't realize he was listening in, blushed furiously. Why were they suddenly talking about Jack? He realized he should have walked away at that point, probably should have from the start, but he couldn't help but stay there. "I think he's quiet. No way he doesn't."

"Hmm," said Blink. "Yeah, he's gotta. We've all gotta."

_We've all gotta?_ David thought, his face burning up even more. He wasn't stupid. He knew what Mush and Blink were talking about. But he didn't live by the same rules as they did. He shared a room with his siblings. He never... _did that_. Sure, there were times when he woke up with sticky sheets and longjohns, but he knew that was just a fact of life. But whenever it happened, he scrubbed both of them first thing in the morning so that he didn't have to talk to anyone about it. It was just too embarrassing.

Taking a deep breath, he rounded the corner fully and met Mush's eyes. Mush and Blink both waved him over and as soon as he approached them, Blink asked, "Is Jack still seeing your sister?"

David shook his head. "No. I think the kiss was just a one time thing. She's sweet on Denton now. Why?"

His friends didn't answer, but they exchanged a meaningful look. David wanted to say that Sarah wasn't like that; she had most likely never been intimate with anyone. However, he couldn't say it without letting them know he'd overheard their conversation. He had been spying on them and listening to them talking about ... _getting off_. He gave Blink and Mush an awkward smile before going to get his papes.

o O o O o O o O o

The more David thought about it, the more troublesome the whole conversation became. Blink had made it seem like such a _requirement_. Like you weren't a real teenage guy unless you did it. David had never even been around guys who _talked_ about this stuff. All of his friends at school had been kind of, well... _prissy_. Not that he had had that many friends. He had lost touch with the few he had after joining the newsies.

He wished he had someone he could talk to about this stuff. He thought about talking to his father, but he quickly let that thought go. No way he would be able to look him in the eye after that. No, that was out of the question. He would have to just figure all this out for himself.

For a few weeks he continued to pretend he wasn't obsessed with the subject. Jack returned to work, and David was thankful for it. He enjoyed having Jack's company on the job so much more even though when they'd met he would have said the opposite. The truth was, Jack had grown on him. He was so at ease with the people they sold to. Between his street smarts and David's book smarts, they usually did well.

One evening, David came home to find his family wearing their best clothes. David stared at them. "What's going on?"

"Mr. Denton has invited us over for supper tonight." his mother said, smiling. "Go get cleaned up, David. We'll wait for you."

David blinked. This was it. It was the _perfect_opportunity to deal with his stupid little obsession. "Actually, ma... I'm not feeling too great. Jack and I both got a free meat sample at lunch and I think it was bad." He rubbed his stomach, trying to emphasize just how nauseous he felt.

Because David never faked sick and hardly ever got sick in general, his whole family grew concerned immediately. His mother wanted to stay home and take care of him, but he insisted that he would be alright if he rested in bed. Even though they were reluctant, they all eventually left to go to Denton's.

David nervously retreated to the bedroom and sat on his own small bed. Was he actually going to do this? He'd _lied_ to his family so that he could stay home and do _this_?

He lay down and unbuttoned his trousers, feeling awkward.

He knew he had to think about something attractive. An attractive woman. Maybe Medda? He closed his eyes and pictured Medda, wearing a low-cut top and long skirt. Lifting it up to reveal her legs.

No. No... that wasn't right.

That was _weird_.

And _that_was weird, because he'd thought he liked her. He'd been fascinated by Medda the first time he met her. She was beautiful and such a talented entertainer. It made sense that he should want to think about her. But he didn't want to. Something in him had changed.

He leaned back on the pillow. This was hopeless, wasn't it?

But... it shouldn't have been. The newsies did this, so he should be able to. It shouldn't be _weird_.

David tried to think about how Jack might go about this. He probably wouldn't have any trouble. Like the newsies said, he was probably quiet if he did it. He closed his eyes again. In his mind, while Jack touched himself, his lips were parted, and he smiled slightly. Maybe he was half asleep, and his hand just found its own way into his longjohns. He probably moved his hand up and down until he was hard enough that he was aching.

And just like that, David felt his groin stir. Tentatively, he reached into his own longjohns, touching himself. It was working. He curled his hand around his hardening penis as he continued to imagine Jack getting off. His breathing grew deeper and soon he was harder than he'd ever been.

It was ridiculous. He'd gotten hard randomly, as all guys did. He'd woken up like this as well. But none of ever felt like this. Right now he really, really needed to be touched.

He spit on his hand and reached back around his erection as his imagination took over again. Suddenly Jack was there with him, but instead of feeling embarrassed, he smiled at his friend. Jack crawled onto the bed and kneeled over him.

Then Jack's hands were all over him. Jack slipped his hands under David's shirt, his touch sliding up David's sides. One hand moved to David's nipple and David moaned, turning his head to the side. He could feel Jack's breath on his neck, Jack's lips grazing his ear.

He felt Jack's right hand move down his hip and to the front, finally reaching his privates. David gasped at the wave of pleasure he felt just from the addition of Jack's touch. Jack pressed down, teasing him, and David thrust up against Jack's palm.

"Touch me," David whispered. And Jack did. He reached right into David's long underwear and began to stroke him, moving up and down at a pace that David imitated. When he felt Jack's hardness against his leg, he didn't care. He imagined himself reaching around Jack's neck with his left arm, pulling Jack to him. As Jack stroked him, he also rubbed himself against David's leg. David moved to the rhythm of Jack's strokes, feeling closer and closer to the edge.

"Oh my god." David said. He knew he was almost there. And Jack seemed to know it, too. In a moment, he could feel Jack's breath on his face, and then right over his lips. That was when imaginary Jack kissed him hard.

The combination of the tingling on his lips and the pleasure as the pace of stroking grew faster sent David right over the edge. He cried out loudly as he released himself all over his hand. When he'd finished, he moaned, touching himself just a little bit more, the waves of pleasure still flowing through him.

He started to come down from his high a few moments later, and he opened his eyes. Jack, of course, wasn't there. For a moment he just lay there lazily.

Then the guilt started to take over.

Of all the people in the world, he had to think about _Jack Kelly_? How on earth had that even happened? Maybe thinking about Medda was all wrong for him, but why hadn't he pictured some other girl? They saw girls all the time when they were out selling papes. So why Jack Kelly?

He was never going to be able to look his best friend in the eye again. How could he be so stupid?

And even worse, what did this mean? That he was attracted to Jack? A _guy_? No. No, that wasn't alright.

There had to be something wrong with him.

All he knew was that he couldn't do this again.

o O o O o O o O o

It was easier said than done.

He was able to interact with Jack almost normally, though sometimes if Jack would touch his shoulder or brush his hand, David would blush furiously. On occasion, he grew frustrated with Jack and snapped at him, but Jack just laughed it off.

And even though he vowed that he wouldn't do it again, he did. He rarely got time alone, but on the rare occasion that his whole family was out for a bit, he would lay on his bed and think about Jack. He would whine and shake the bed, ending up tangled up in the sheets. Sometimes he rubbed himself against the bed or his pillow, feeling ashamed immediately afterward and washing the sheets.

It was addictive.

One day about two months later, David was about to head home after working with Jack. He'd taken to going to school for part of the day and working in the afternoon. It was dark out now, and chilly. David pulled his jacket tighter around his chest.

"I'll see ya later, Davy." Jack said, finishing up his cigarette, throwing it in slush.

David studied Jack. He could see Jack's breath, and shoved his hands in his pockets. He was surprised by how normal he'd been able to act around Jack these past few months. He had a problem. Some kind of _fascination_ with the guy. But he couldn't help it. As long as he kept it to himself, though, and didn't try to do anything queer with Jack, then it would be fine. Maybe someday he'd even go to college and then he could put all of this behind him.

"Why don't you come home with me?" David offered. "I think Ma made some sort of stew. It'll warm you right up."

Jack titled his head to the side and considered. "Sure, yeah."

David grinned, glad to be spending more time with Jack and they walked over to David's place. Jack greeted David's mother and father like they were old friends, and he was treated like family immediately. Les ran up to Jack to hug him. Also, David had expected Sarah to act weird, but she hugged Jack and gave him a friendly smile. Jack asked her how her relationship with Denton was going, and Sarah blushed, which was a good sign.

After supper, David's parents insisted that Jack stay with them that night because it was deathly cold outside. David, of course, was all for it. Naturally, he didn't want Jack to freeze on the way home.

David lent Jack some nightclothes even though they were a bit too small for him. Still, in the bedroom he stripped down in front of David and pulled the nightclothes over his head. David felt his face warm up and he looked away. The clothes were tight on Jack.

"Hey Davy," Jack said, coming forward and putting his arms on David's shoulders. "You look like a tomato."

David shrugged, trying to act nonchalant about it.

"Guys, it's time to go to bed." David's mother said, coming into the room. David nodded, crawling into bed. Because they didn't have an extra bed, Jack had to sleep in the same bed as one of them. Les was already sprawled out in his own bed.

Jack looked over at David. "Looks like I'm sharin' with you, pal."

David glanced at him from the side and saw Jack had an amused smile on his face. "Fine by me. Just don't hog the blanket."

They settled in the bed next to each other. David crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes, trying to sleep. However, he was painfully aware of Jack's warm body resting next to him. There was very little room on the bed, and David could feel him as his chest rose and fell with each breath. David glanced over at Jack and saw that he had dozed off. He was on his side facing David with a slight, peaceful smile on his lips. Every so often he would lick his lips and settle into the pillow a bit more.

David couldn't stop watching. He bit his lip, trying to suppress the urge to reach down and touch himself. However, in a moment of bad judgement, he reached down and rubbed his crotch over his longjohns. Only for a moment. Because as soon as he realized what he was doing, he pulled his hand away fast.

No. Not like this.

He was in the room with his sister and brother and he was _sharing a bed with Jack_.

Taking a deep breath, he got out of bed and walked out of the room, heading to their tiny bathroom. He had never been more thankful that they had one, no matter how tiny it was. He closed the door and leaned against it, reaching into his bottoms taking hold of himself. He let out a deep breath and tipped his head back, feeling relief just from the light touch. He moaned quietly as he started to move his hand.

He just... he couldn't take it. Jack was infuriatingly good-looking and David was pretty sure that Jack knew it. Jack could get him to do anything just by looking into his eyes. He shouldn't have been able to, but he _could_.

He imagined Jack being there with him, his hot breath on David's neck, pinning him up against the door. David stroked faster, imagining it was Jack. He saw Jack's teasing eyes, and... and...

And then there was a knock on the door. "Dave, ya in there?"

David jumped away from the door and bumped into the toilet. No, no, _no_. It was Jack. "Ow. What?"

"You've been in there awhile..." Jack said. From the distance of his voice, David figured that Jack was leaning right up against the door.

"Have not." David said, cringing at himself for sounding like a little kid. "I mean, I just got here."

"Dave, I _know_ what you're doin'. Come on, I'm bein' loud. You don't want me to wake up your family, do you?"

David swallowed hard. No, he _definitely_ didn't want to do that. He couldn't imagine trying to explain this to anybody. He tried to put on a brave face as he turned the doorknob and saw Jack standing there. Jack walked right in and closed the door behind him, leaning against the door where David had just been.

"So, Dave," Jack asked with a knowing smile, "This is interesting."

"Shut up." David said, his hands flying lower to cover his crotch. "What do you want anyway, Jack?"

Jack snorted at David's defensiveness. "Just to talk." He leaned forward. "So... what d'ya think about?"

"I-I-" David stuttered, staring at him wide-eyed. He hadn't been this nervous around Jack in awhile. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm talkin' about that." Jack's eyes signaled to David's crotch and then he looked back up into his eyes. "You started doin' that in bed." David's cheeks burned up at that. "It's okay, you know. Us guys, we need to do it."

David couldn't even tell Jack that up until a few months ago, he hadn't cared one way or the other. But now he couldn't get enough. He'd sunk to a new low, sneaking into his bathroom in the middle of the night. And it... it was Jack's fault. "I guess."

"So don't let me stop you." Jack said, smirking. "Go ahead, Dave."

"_What_?" David asked incredulously. No way. No way was he going to... "_No_."

"So how're you gonna get rid of that?" Jack pointed at David's crotch without shame. "Here. To make you feel better I'll do it too."

_How considerate_, David thought sarcastically. Then, to his surprise, Jack _did_. He lifted up the long nightshirt to reveal that _he_ was hard. Jack took hold of himself, keeping his eyes on David's. David stared at him as Jack began to move his hand up and down. His eyes closed for a moment, and when he opened them he looked at David lustfully. David ached to touch himself even more. He studied Jack's face. His tongue was sticking out from the side just a little and David sucked in his breath. When Jack moaned, David realized he couldn't take it anymore.

He started stroking himself again, and Jack nodded encouragingly. "That's it, Dave. That's it."

"Jack." David said quietly, trying to match Jack's rhythm. A wave of pleasure ran through his whole body. "Oh. Oh god."

Jack met his eyes, looking the most vulnerable that David had ever seen him. And that was saying a lot, considering David had seen him crash and burn during the strike. No, this was entirely different, and he loved it. He loved how turned on Jack looked and that he knew what Jack must be feeling.

He wanted to touch Jack; he wanted Jack to touch _him_. But he stayed right where he was. Soon he started shaking and felt his release. He tried to keep quiet, but he couldn't help crying out just a bit. He sighed in the aftermath just in time to see Jack gasp and come all over his hands. "Holy shit," he said, falling backwards against the door.

For a moment afterward, they just stared at each other. David wasn't sure what to say. This didn't mean they were queer; they _couldn't_ be. David knew that it wasn't... right. He knew the law. And yet, the way Jack was looking at him now was so much different than he had looked at him before. Jack looked at a loss for words, and that rarely ever happened.

Silently, Jack walked over to the sink to wash his hands. David followed suit and they left the bathroom. When they climbed into bed, David made sure they both had an equal amount of blanket. He always tried to be considerate of Jack, but somehow he felt like he should be a bit more.

They faced each other in the bed, looking into each other's eyes.

David wanted to ask _what now?_

But he didn't. Because truthfully, he was afraid of what the answer would be. So they didn't speak. Jack turned back onto his back and David did the same, soon falling into a deep sleep.


End file.
